PABLO PICASSO
Filipino Fame
December 6, 20071. Go look for a billboard. Any billboard will do as long as it's high enough that even Stupid Spidey Man will be afraid to climb it. Not even Spider Pig would be brave enough to scale it.The higher the billboard, the better. At least for your quest for fame. And one more thing…make sure the steel support is free from rust. You don't wanna die from tetanus, do you. Rust kills, remember that.
2.Climb the billboard. And don't fall.
3.When you reach the top of the billboard, shout to the people below that you climbed it because it is your intention to jump and spread your blood and brains on the pavement below. Remind them that you are planning to commit suicide because your girlfriend dumped you or you caught your wife sleeping with a man other than you. That means another man. Tell them that you are serious. It may not be necessary but it would help if you try to cry like a baby. Please don't do a Willie Revillame or no one will believe you. A tear or two will do but if you can cry a bucket, why not. It's your eyewater, not mine. But don't cry by the drums or you'll die of dehydration.
4. Now, stay put and wait for the cops and media to arrive. Just wait and listen to the police sirens and see if the video cameras have arrived.
5. Be very patient. Don't jump nor slip.
6. Let the cops climb up like monkeys to you. Let them talk to you. Let them coax and convince you to come down. Let them plead to you while you laugh inside your stomach. Fools. Stupid crocodiles, tell yourself that. And smile, not with your face but with your small intestines.
7. Give yourself a pat on the back and come down. Or to be more dramatic let the cops carry you down the billboard. And keep sobbing and keep your eyes teary.
That's it. See, very simple. Piece of cake. You will be famous in no time. I guarantee, you will be on today's evening news. Either Mike Enriquez or Julius Babao will be reporting about you and millions of fellow Filipinos will be watching your sorry predicament.
Note: If the media doesn't arrive, there is no way you will be famous. So I suggest that you jump. JUMP! A man who dropped dead from the sky is bad news. But the good news is that the media loves bad news. So JUMP and be famous. Moron.
And one more thing, carry a gun with you just in case one of the cops become hostile and want to end the circus the easy way which is shoot you down to earth. But then again that would be totally unnecessary. But then again, to be sure, be a boy scout who is always ready.
Finally, I’ve Decided To Quit Smoking
December 5, 2007I went to a death-defining seminar today. Death-defining in the essence that death, diseases and cancer were the major topics of discussion. There were a hundred of us who attended the seminar including the huge guy manning the microphone and the three-member music band hired to sing "Smoke is in Your Eyes", "When the Smoke is Going Down", basically all the songs with the word smoke in their titles. Speaking of the band, they would have been perfect if not for the customes they wore during the entire seminar. Call it a wardrobe malfunction. They all look like as if they just came out of a Lord of the Rings movie. What's with all the fangs, the tattered robes and the Legolas ears. It would have been better if they just wore nothing. If that was the case, I would have a more outrageous article here. Huh!
The seminar was called "Pedro Smokes so Pedro Dies". You are probably laughing your brains out right now but that's exactly what the seminar was called. The organizers of the event were college students like me so everything was rough, rugged and very informal. The event itself was very amateurish. The place felt like a rodeo arena instead of a university auditorium. Giggle here, giggle there. There's laughing everywhere…….the moderator kept joking about himself. Check out this joke of his:"Jesus Christ and I have only one thing in common. We never had girlfriends". I didn't laugh at this one but the others laughed like it was their last laughs on earth. You could actually see the insides of their throats if you look close enough. To exaggerate it a bit, an average-sized anaconda could fit into their laughing mouths. Have ye watched the Anaconda movies? One and Two? Jennifer Lopez? Cuba Gooding Juniooooooor? I dunno the others.
Anyway, aside from the freaky band, the never-ending laughter and the numbing coldness of Baguio City, the seminar was quite informative. I learned a lot about smoking and why they call it a danger to your health(I mean your LIFE).
"smoking causes cancer. cancer kills."
"coronary atherosclerosis(gradual narrowing of the arterial blood vessels by fatty materials)"
"pulmonary diseases, chronic bronchitis, emphysema"
"smoking accelerates drug metabolism in the liver"
It was getting late and colder when the seminar adjourned. Oh man, I was creeped to death. They showed us pictures of dilapidated lungs, thread-thin men dying of lung cancer, death statistics of smokers, etc. etc.. They even gave us a certificate with a picture of a dead lung as souvenir. Gross.
Oh man, I gotta stop smoking before I get pronounced dead from chronic bronchitis or something. I started smoking way back in high school so I know I got a lot of nicotine in me. So I'm quitting. I'm quitting. I'm quitting. I hope I can.
There are hundreds of women out there whom I'd like to meet and date someday(Keira Knightley, Natalie Portman, Drew Barrymore, HILLARY CLINTON, etc…) I can't date if I am six feet under the ground, can I? So, my beloved Cigarette, goodbye and thanks for the memories.
Exquisite Filipino Food
December 4, 2007I can’t help it. There is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it or at least minimize it. I am so helpless I have every reason to believe that sooner or later I am going to turn into a mad man. A mad man whose madness can only be cured by something round, white and boiled. That something is only 10 pesos a piece and for it to work its magic, that something has to be eaten. And in taking it in, you either eat it with salt or vinegar with hot chili.
I’m undecided whether I’m going to be ashamed or be proud of telling you this but I am a certified balut addict. I’m a voracious, insatiable and ravening balut eater. I pass not a single day without taking in one or two of them. The sound of the balut vendor shouting Balut! Balut! over and over again is like music to me. It may not sound as good as a Beatles or Rolling Stones song but that’s fine with me. It’s the message that counts. Here come my balut eggs. Yow.
My addiction level is so high I came very close to thinking that a balut egg is something worth dying for. Gross, you think. Gross, indeed. It’s not that I’m worried about the super high level; it’s just that the balut egg is a real threat, man. Fortunately, the threat ain’t nuclear or anything near it. This may sound outrageously ridiculous but people actually died because of balut eggs. I’ve heard of this guy who shot himself between the eyes because the balut egg he just bought tasted like dinosaur dung. Yeah, dinosaur dung. That’s what the guy said before he, you know, sent himself to heaven with a home made gun. And there was this balut vendor who shouted real loud and hard while selling his baluts that some drunken guys around a corner got really irritated that they jumped and mugged the vendor. The vendor ended up with three broken ribs, a broken nose and two swollen eyes. And not to mention the balut eggs which the drunken guys carried away. Unbelievable huh? A balut egg’s a curse.
My liking for the balut is so intense that my friends made up a joke regarding my predicament. They insist that if I were to choose between my girlfriend and a balut, I will choose the latter. They always laugh so hard that it seems they’d die laughing. Fortunately, they never did.
I Am a Blogger Now
December 3, 2007I remember the first blog I saw and read on the internet. It was a blog written by a 19-year old college student from Spain. In his blog, Francisco, the owner of the blog wrote about his life in Spain. He blogged about Spanish wines, Spanish women, the Spanish culture and of course Spanish sports. Bullfighting, anyone? And it was great reading his blog posts. He keeps your interest alive by writing blog posts that seem to have no definite endings. So you end up coming back to his blog to check his next post. He utilizes suspense and anticipation in his blog that you unconsciously keep on thinking about what he wrote and you keep dropping by his blog often to check if there is something new.
And then it hit me. This is something I wanted to do. Blogging is very new to me but I believe I can learn so I set up my own blog. So here I am today writing this piece as my first ever blog post. I am not expecting my blog to be as good or even come close to Francisco’s blog. I simply want my own blog and maybe build it bit by bit so I would be able to attract a little traffic. What good is a blog if nobody knows about it? What good is a blog if nobody reads it? I understand from the very beginning that traffic is a very important factor if you wish to have a blog that is to be read by a lot of people.
I contacted Francisco one time and sent him an email. I wanted to ask him a few questions about how blogging works and how to be an active part of it. I was surprised when I received a reply from him the next day. I never expected him to return my message. So we ended up talking about blogs and the art of blogging. He taught me blogging tips and strategies on how to keep readers on returning to your blog. He became my blogging mentor and for that I am very thankful.
I am in the early stages of my blogging so my energy for it is still strong. A lot of bloggers are saying that 99 percent of bloggers fail and eventually give up and stop blogging. I am hoping I will not be among that 99 percent.
So wish me a whole lot of luck and a whole lot of readers. Thanks for reading and bearing with me, friend.
My Management Study
The partners will be forming a general partnership, which will be composed of general partners that will equally share in the gains and losses of the partnership. This partnership will begin from the time the contract is executed and the Articles of Partnership are registered with the Securities and Exchange Commission. We have chosen the partnership as the form of ownership since it is easier to organize. It is created by a voluntary agreement between two or more people, and it does not entail costs such as incorporation fees, legal fees, and other expenses that other forms of ownership require. Also, no minimum capital contribution is required. This will be based upon the partners’ agreement. A partnership is also subject to less government regulations, since its existence would be based on the contract between the partners. This would also be an added convenience since partners usually have different skills and talents that could be useful in managing the business.
Every employee of an organization is assigned to a specific task. This will ensure the proper segregation of duties among workers to strengthen the company’s internal control. To envision the distribution of responsibilities among the employees, the organizational chart emphasizes line authority and accountability. The organization will be following this concept of line authority.
The company is looking for skilled and hardworking employees. The qualifications required include the following: 1. Partners 2. Drivers Responsible for driving the ambulance whenever emergency calls are received. It’s their duties to take the patients to the hospital or medical center as soon as possible with hospital to hospital transfers if deemed necessary. They are as well in charge of the maintenance, check-up, and cleaning of the ambulance cars they are using. All costs related to repair and maintenance is naturally handled by the partnership. Qualifications: · Must be a professional licensed driver · At least 22 years old · Capable of driving under the highest possible pressure · Free from involvement in records of road accidents and misbehaviors · Should be able to do repairs and maintenance on ambulance-type cars specifically vans. · Must be knowledgeable with the roads, streets and routes in and around
· Willing to work overtime/on call. 3. Medics/medical assistants They are responsible for accompanying the ambulance at all times whenever an emergency call comes in. Their main duties are to perform initial treatments, first aides, and temporary medical services to patients before and while taking the patients to the nearest possible hospital or medical center. Qualifications: · With at least 3 years experience. · Must be hardworking and trustworthy. · Must be willing to learn how to drive · At least 26 years old · Must be a registered nurse. 4. Drivers 5. Cashier He is responsible for the custody of the funds of the business such as cash disbursements, cash receipts, and other cash items including checks and notes. Qualifications: · Must be a graduate of BS Accountancy · At least 22 years old · Hardworking and trustworthy · With at least 1 year experience of bookkeeping experience · Computer literate/ knowledgeable in basic computer applications 6. Bookkeeper Responsible for record keeping, assembling, classifying, and presenting financial information to the users. Qualifications: · Must be a graduate of BS Accountancy · At least 22 years old · Hardworking and trustworthy · With at least 1 year of beekeeping experience · Computer literate/knowledgeable in basic computer applications BASIC COMPANY POLICIES
Age eligibility A. The minimum age is 20 years old. B. There will be no maximum age limit for as long as the applicant is still capable of doing the work required.
Uniform A. Employees in the field department must wear the company T-shirt which is printed with the business logo. B. Employees in the administrative department must wear the attire as duly prescribed. C. Cleanliness is a must especially for employees who are in direct contact with the patients seeking temporary medical treatments.
Employee Disciplinary Policies A. Disciplinary actions are not intended to punish employees, but to impress upon them the importance of their work with respect to themselves, to the business and to others. This is to make the employees responsible for their actions on the job. B. The rights to discipline, suspend, relieve, transfer, or terminate employees for proper causes shall depend upon the discretion of the management following the business rules and regulations. C. Proper investigation of any violation shall first be conducted before management makes a decision to practice justice and equity. The employee will thus be able to defend his side if he feels that he should not be given any punishment. D. It is the duty of every employee to obey the company policies, rules and instructions. Willful disobedience of any employee shall be sufficient ground to support his/her dismissal. Dismissal of an employee is only served when the offense committed is grave in nature. E. The employee concerned will receive a notice of dismissal 30 days before termination.
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Cordillera’s Best Parade
December 2, 2007I went to Baguio City today and watched the Cordillera's Best Festival Parade. The parade was supposed to be a combination of all the festivals being held in the Cordilleras all year round. The parade was more than what I excpected. It is very apparent that the parade participants really prepared real hard for the event. The dances, the dance moves are all well choreographed. The parade took only a few hours but it was great. The culture and traditional dances and songs of the Cordilleras were well represented. There are a few modern interpretations but they weren't much to destroy the originality of the performance. The parade is merely the beginning of a month long festival. In the following days, several activities are expected to be held in around the city. I am particularly looking forward for the art shows and art exhibits.
